So you think you are interested.....

I am often asked "Why a young focused black educated, fun-loving, risk taking,spiritual,woman is single"? Here is the answer to the million dollar question. I truly have yet to meet someone that qualifies. Some have come pretty close and are still in consideration however, I believe that the Lord has a detailed plan for my life and I have no desire to compromise what I've been promised. Not only do I believe in God as my personal savior as should everyone who has gotten saved, but I have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I spend a lot of time with the God. publically as well as privately. As a single christian Jesus is first then myself, my family, my friends and lastly my career. So as you can see I am fully loaded. The Lord has left room in my life for love which I have no problem sharing however one should understand a few things about me.

As we all know anyone and everybody can attend church so attending church on Sunday is not good enough for me. If you guys are looking for a blue print here it is. I need someone in my life that has an intimate relationship with the God. Someone who speaks to the God not only in bad times but who isnt afraid to give him praise throughout the day for the grace and mercy that Jesus has blessed him with. Someone who is not ashamed to cry tears of joy because they have been delivered from a past that had them on a pathway to hell. Someone who is humble enough to understand that God is in total control of their life. Someone who has faith in God's will and understands that God does not make mistakes.

It's always entertaining to see the reactions that I get once men realize that I'm not playing games. They become infatuated at the idea that a woman like me exist. My answer to that is "take a number". Men love and I will repeat that they LOVE A woman who has it together mentally and spritually!

I truly walk by faith and not by sight. My relationship with God is non negotiable.The man that the Lord has chosen for me will need to be taught how to handle the favor that God has placed on my life. I need someone who has been with themselves for a while. A man who has been on a long enough journey to reach me. You say that you have been single for two weeks? No Baby, come and talk to me in two years because you still have the spirit of the last person that you were with on you. Don't ask me to do the things SHE used to do. I need some one who is thirsty for the woman that I have become. Most woman catch a man by manipulating his mind physically/sexually. Try catching a man by speaking to his spirit!

Blast From The Past

Have you ever reminisced on how a love used to be back in the day? I'm talking about LOVE, being in love, being connected with someone who knew your thoughts before you could even speak. Someone who took the time to learn the ins and outs of you? Someone that you could hang with from morning until morning because you knew they were your friend, your lover, someone you trusted, and most of all someone that you placed your heart in their hands. Not everyone has been through this so I'm speaking to the ones that have and ministering to the ones that have not. 

Don't take a second look at your past because it is just what it is the past. Now I am not saying people should not be given a second chance however you are growing and if you have favor on your life you began to grow at warp speed because God's got some things that he needs you to take care of in life. While you are elevating to a higher level some people in your past may be sustaining the level that you left them at. God has a way of strategically placing situations and issues before us to test us and see since we talk the talk will we walk the walk.  Keep your eyes, ears and your spirit of discernment open and aware.

If you have dissolved a relationship in the past and you have been happy with your decision remain faithful. You may have thought that you met your soul mate already but that was the soul mate for that season. If your soul and spirit has changed and God has given you a new heart you are done with that old season and have elevated into our harvest season. The definition of harvest is to gain, win, acquire, as a result of any past act, process, plan.  We have to give praise for elevation into our harvest season because if it were not for the people that have been strategically placed in our lives we would not be able to see Gods greatness ahead of us.

When that blast from the past comes into your life begin to pray. Pray for understanding about the situation. (Why are they back God?)Pray for strength that you will not become weak, and most of all send God a shout out for your blast from the past so that the lord may help them with whatever they may be going through that caused them to dial your number.

We all have those relationships where there is some unfinished business so I am not referencing those. I am referencing the relationships where the story was written and the chapter is closed.

 Re visit all situations that you have been exposed to. If it was something that your friend went through and shared it with you don't take that bit of information lightly because the lord is preparing you for your storm. It is up to us to decide how long that cloud will remain over  us. God will not elevate your life to a level of success and favor just to take you back to where you were 10 yrs ago. The Devil is a liar! Don't allow your Blast from the past to come in your life and discourage you. If it took them one year to learn the ins and outs of you then someone else who truly loves you can learn the same thing in the same length of time or shorter. If that blast from the past has gotten into deeper mess than the last time you knew them LET IT GO! God did not place you in your harvest season so that you can carry someone else's baggage. Don't be fooled the Devil is tricky and he will discourage you and make you think that the past love that you had was the last love you will have but don't' fall for it. It is a test and you need to make sure that you come out of that test as pure as gold.

In conclusion I say this,  God wants you with your equal. He wants your relationship to be the next Martin and Corretta, Malcolm X and Betty Shabazz, and  the next Barack and Michelle Obama. High profile? Not necessarily. Successful yes. If they don't think that level of success is attainable tell them to get on your level or get outta your face. Move on from the one that you have elevated from in your past because they will never catch up!

Finding And Keeping A Life Partner

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden Rules For Finding Your Life Partner

by Dov Heller, M.A

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2)you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Thirsty for Marriage? Have you Lost Your Mind?

I thank God for Patience! Thank. You. Jesus! No seriously... As I observe the atmosphere I am noticing that people have lost sight (and lost their minds) of what the meaning of "Living Your Life" really means. People are repeating cycles of what they think is right instead of the cycles that God has set forth for us. Just because your momma nem got married after school and had babies does not mean that they were right, which is probably why they are living vicariously through you! Now this is not a blog knocking marriage. If what you have is real GO FOR IT. The items that I will be referencing is the non sense that is supposed to be an example for generations to come. Marriage was intended to solidify love and declare commitment and purpose instead people are marrying for a free ride.

I can't begin to tell you how many piece of crap marriages I have seen within the past few years. From marrying because you have children together, to getting married for financial freedom, not being accountable for your lack of maturity, and the list can go on. In the Bible Jesus begged us to remain single for as long as we could because marriage is no joke and now it seems like all I see is a Def Comedy Jam of couples stamped "Husband and Wife". Men who financially depend on their wives to set them financially free and vice versa. Woman who need a man to help them pay for their "ready made families", Woman who need a "Captain Save'Em"... Oh and this one is my favorite. "I'M JUST TIRED OF THE DATING SCENE".

Why would someone wish to be tied down?!?! Literally wrapped in rope unable to go where they please? God delivered us to set us free. Go to another country, see the world, build a career, start a business...Hell build a house! Do something to give God the glory for his blessings as a single person because when you get married your focus begins to turn to other distractions. Yes I said distractions because that's what God calls them but no worries a Husband and a Wife are supposed to keep one another focused. In this day and age that rarely happens.

What ever happened to depending on God because he is the source of your strength to get through ALL THINGS? Whatever happened to fulfilling Gods destiny for your life as a single person instead of begging for the opposite? The Lord will bless us with our mate when it is time. This mate will be everything that you desired. Everything that you dreamed about late at night while you lay alone in your bed. All he ask from us is to fully depend on him and not "play god". I'm sure there are several responses and excuses but the fact still remains that being single is a blessing from God for a reason and we should appreciate it more.

As for me I will work, increase my income, take care of my responsibilities, fulfill my dreams and clean my life of any baggage (which is not much if you know me). If the Lord has a husband in store for me years down the road he and I will increase our income, work on our careers, and fulfill our dreams which of course will be new and different from what they are as a single person.

So if you were expecting lil Jaiya's anytime soon let go of your breath because this Queen is going to become as successful as she can be and live the best life that she can afford to live!